Unmentionable Names for the Unmentionables

I think we all have been brought up with unique names for certain things — things that you only talk about amongst family.  Things that aren’t normally discussed in public.  Things for which your family used code words.  I am talking about the unmentionables.  I am talking about the names used to discuss the unmentionables.  [...]

Mancode #89

As a man, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this for fear of being kicked out.
Scenario: You are making toast for a quick breakfast one morning, and after you have retrieved your slice of bread, you accidentally drop the twist tie on the floor.
Mancode#89: Simple solution.  Don’t even think about bending all the way down [...]

Smart Baby

The other day I was out for some Mexican, and I came across something amazing — a small boy, about 2 or 3, that had to be a genius.  I mean, there is no way that this little guy could be anything but.
There he was, sitting in a high chair in a restaurant, surrounded by [...]

Happy Birthday Lil’ Munch

My dearest little Piper Finnian Willow Lacey Keigley turns 2 today!

Nacho Theatre

What is the deal with nacho chips at the movie theatre?  Not only are they ridiculously overpriced (+/- $6.25), but the cheese to chip ratio is way off.  Five minutes into the movie and I am left with 15 somewhat stale chips and 1 soggy one that was slowly drowning in the small pool of [...]

Sign of the Times

Can anyone tell me what they think this well-thought-out sign is trying to tell motorists?

Recent Reviews About the Eleventy Million Dollar Blog

“Courageously deceptional!”
- Stapho Fonzie, The Delphi Reader
“Hysterically mindful and exponential!”
- Jareb Cutestory, Sudden Valley Times
“Hazah for Kevin and his literal interpretation of (unintelligible)!”
- Tommy Thompson, Cute Puppy Stories
“What?  What was the question?”
- Dereck Manspile, The Time
“There is more going on here than meets the eye.  The naked eye in fact.  In fact, the eye is [...]

Best and Worst 11

One of the best things in the world: feeling something soft with your bare feet
One of the worst things in the world: discovering that the soft something was in fact a mouse that had died next to your bed
(This actually happened to my Mom)

Time is On My Side

I took my watch off today for the first time in almost 3 months.
I left my cell phone on the counter — unattended and turned off.
Our summer sessions of camp are over and on this day, the only thing I am concerned about is the sun going down upon the fun I am having with [...]

General Travel Agency

The other day I was in Hendersonville, NC.  I saw a business there that stirred my imagination.  The establishment was called General Travel Agency.
Traveler:  Yes, I am interested in taking a trip.
GTA:  Excellent, how can we help you?
Traveler:  I would like to go to Sydney, Australia.  I hear that…
GTA:  Wait, that sounds pretty specific.  We [...]