Well I’m Movin’ On Up

After having published a mere 191 posts, I thought it was high time to get my own domain.  So from now on, please visit kevinkeigley.com for all of your Eleventy Million Dollar Blog needs.

(Cue How Do I Say Goodbye by Boyz 2 Men and a slow-mo montage of all the laughs you’ve had whilst visiting my blog)

Thank you and good night.


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Mancode #127 – Answers

As a man, I probably shouldn’t be telling you our secret codes for fear of being kicked out — kicked out of the Man Club.

Scenario: Someone asks you a question, and by some fluke, you don’t know the answer.

Mancode #127: First of all, don’t let on that they have asked a question no one thinks about, for that is why you do not know the answer.  Then, after making sure you do not call them out, you’ll want to sigh as if you are thinking of all the many possible ways to respond on their level.  It’s also a good idea to look around and sort of laugh to yourself as if some of the responses would be humourous, if only you could speak in layman’s terms.  When they ask you what is funny, the Mancode Manual suggests you say, “Nah, it’s just…” and then let your voice trail off as you shake your head letting them know they wouldn’t understand anyway.  If none of these tactics kill enough time that would cause the uninformed person to forget they asked a silly question in the first place, then finally you should change the subject.  Use the phrase, “By the way…” and then follow it up with a bit of sports talk.  That way, they feel as if they have led the conversation on to manlier things.

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Visit to the Barber

The moon is full as the Wolfman enters Mug & Brush Barber Shop on Main Street.

Barber: (Smiles)  Hey!  Have a seat.  It’ll be just a minute (continues sweeping floor).
Wolfman: (Picks up Outdoor Life as he sits)  Thanks.  I’m kind’ve in a hurry though, but I’m glad you are open so late.
Barber: How about this weather we’re having lately.  Cold, huh?
Wolfman: (Looks up from magazine)  Yeah.  But I think it’s warming up.
Barber: I hope so.
Wolfman: (Lets out a concerned sigh)  Me too.
Barber: Do any hunting lately?
Wolfman: Sort of.
Barber: Get anything?
Wolfman: Yeah — I think I’m might be getting too old for it though, you know what I mean?
Barber: (Half laughs)  I hear ya.  Well, you ready?
Wolfman: (Grunts and exhales as he stands)  Ready as I’ll ever be.
Barber: Same way?
Wolfman: (Sitting in barber chair)  Yup.

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The Devil Went Down to Georgia

What would have happened if when the Devil went down to Georgia, and after taking the bet, Johnny stunk the place up with his fiddling?  Well, according to the song, the Devil would have gotten Johnny’s soul.  That would have been a terrible ending.  I don’t think I would “air fiddle” to the song anymore.  At least not at the part where Johnny actually hands over his soul.  But maybe I would when the Devil plays.  He actually plays very well.

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Inside Pocket

To me, the inside pocket was one of the most clever inventions.  I used it to hide gum and lint covered gum.  But I am sure that it had darker beginnings.

Guy with weapons in his inside pocket: Go ahead.  Search me.  I am innocent I tell you. (A wry smile fills his face)
Guy looking for weapons: I don’t understand…(patting down).  I know I saw you with at least 3 swords not two shakes ago.
Guy with weapons: I think you have the wrong guy.  (Another wry smile fills his face)
Guy looking for weapons: No!  The guy I saw distinctly had a large mole hanging on his left eyelid, preventing him from blinking properly.
Guy with weapons: Well, it is obviously not me.  You may have noticed that I have this patch over my left eye (points to eye).  I wear it because I am blind in that eye. (Wry smile developing)
Guy looking for weapons: Hmmm.  I guess you are right.  I apologize for disrupting your visit to the castle good sir.  I hope you are fortunate enough to see the king today.  He is due to visit this very court any minute now.
Guy with weapons: Thanks for the tip.  (Yet another wry smile fills his face)

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Prince Valiant

What is the deal with Prince Valiant?

Prince Valiant is that comic strip where what appears to be the main character sports a sweet black hair-helmet style.  It’s the one where guys are always fighting and apparently in a hurry to get somewhere.  It is the strip where the artwork looks really cool but way too deep for the Sunday Funnies.  It is like the LOST of comic strips.

So this Sunday, at least acknowledge the fact that you never read Prince Valiant.  You may also want to acknowledge the fact that though you carry the front page of The Local City Times into the bathroom with you, you never read it — the Sunday Funnies are tucked inside and you can’t wait to see what sort of lolligagging hijinx you’ll find in Garfield.


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Blast from Past 2

Remember when people wanted to buy stamps of murdered presidents?  No?  Me either.  That is why I am pleased to show you another gem I found in the barn whilst contracting the Brown Lung (a respiratory disease caused by breathing old barn dust and paper fragments from the 1950’s and 1960’s).  Again, I will let the ad speak for itself.

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