Underarm Odor Repellent Concerns

I was recently in the market for some underarm odor repellent.  I purchased the first one that I saw.  It happened to be one that best describes me — Swagger.  One morning, after applying said product, I glanced at the back label and suddenly became concerned for my life.

Label says:
For external use only
What happened in history where the manufacturers had to put this jewel on the label?  There are only so many orifices in our bodies, none of which can accommodate a stick of antiperspirant.  Maybe.

Do not use on broken skin
I am pretty sure that if I have broken skin, odor is the least of my concerns.  How do you break skin?

But here was the kicker.

Ask a doctor before use if you have kidney disease
What?  How do my kidneys come into play here?  I am using this antiperspirant correctly, right?

Apply to underarms only
Whew — I am good.  But when will my kidneys explode?

So right there in front of a partially steamed mirror, I decided to go a different route and buy deodorant.  Later that day I purchased one that best describes me — Sport.  Now I may not walk like a man that has it together, but I will kill you in kickball…and maybe not need dialysis.


1 Comment

Filed under Observations

One response to “Underarm Odor Repellent Concerns

  1. Lacey

    I think this post made me laugh more than any of your others. I don’t know why really. But I think it had to do with the ending kickball statement.
    You know, you still have a ranking in my Top Five Funniest People list that was compiled in our Virginia kitchen over five years ago with Tyler and Nate.

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