Working out to Save the World…or Something

There are moments when I am running that the planets align and then they shine their mysterious rays upon the invisible DJ that lives in my iPod shuffle.  At that very moment, the absolute right song gets played and I swear I run faster.

There are also times when I am doing some strength training that the DJ spins a tune that I swear makes me stronger or even more agile.  Take the other morning for example — I was doing my normal routine and it was time for some pull ups.  My arms were pretty fried, but then the right song came on.  It was “Aggressive Expansion”, the theme from The Dark Knight.  When the song first came on, I recognized it immediately, and waited for just the right moment.  It starts off quiet and almost distant — very mysterious.  But then, BANG! — percussion and brass explode at the same time and thus begins the familiar melody when Batman starts whipping up on some bad guys.

My trick is to time it just right.  I actually believe that if I time it just right — when the percussion and brass explode — I have a better workout.  So there I am, all alone in the early morning light in my track pants and t-shirt waiting for my cue.  The music is distant in my ears as I rub my hands together ready to spring.  The moment draws closer and I approach the bar looking quite serious.  And then with the precision of a superhero guy who works out to good music, it’s my cue — the music explodes and I leap into the air as my cape spreads out behind me and I begin to dangle from the edge of a building that is on fire.  My only hope to escape this perilous situation is to pull myself up to the ledge 10 times as slowly and methodically as I can.  While grimacing and making deep guttural sounds, I do just that and the music plays on.  I drop from the ledge and land on the ground, bending my knees menacingly to absorb the sheer weight of my awesomeness.  I slowly rise and turn my head from side to side trying to detect any maliciousness in the general area.

Then the song ends.  The next song begins.  It is the theme to Beowulf.  Time to do some push-ups that will save the village.

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1 Comment

Filed under Observations

One response to “Working out to Save the World…or Something

  1. 10 pull ups…yeah right. then what do you do? fly?

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