Unmentionable Names for the Unmentionables

I think we all have been brought up with unique names for certain things — things that you only talk about amongst family.  Things that aren’t normally discussed in public.  Things for which your family used code words.  I am talking about the unmentionables.  I am talking about the names used to discuss the unmentionables.  The unmentionables are those functions that occur naturally in the life of every person.  The unmentionables are the processes that allow our bodies to break down food and get rid of it.

It was never considered polite to discuss these things openly in public, so my family (namely my Mom) came up with code words so that in any given situation, we could talk about such matters.  As a grown man and considering these names used within the walls of my gentle upbringing, I find myself a bit perplexed.

Example.

Mom:  Kevin, did you just freddy?  Who freddied?  Walt was it you?  I thought I heard you freddy!

Freddy = flatulence

Another example.

Mom:  Aww, do you have to make a sweetie?  Does your belly hurt?  Maybe you have to make a sweetie.  Your freddies are pretty rank — I think your tummy is upset.  Try making a sweetie.

Sweetie = excrement

Later in life, flatulence morphed into “popping and cracking”.  What in the world?

Maybe these things aren’t actually unmentionable — maybe the ludicrous names our parents made up were unmentionable.

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2 Comments

Filed under Observations

2 responses to “Unmentionable Names for the Unmentionables

  1. Walter

    I bet that really threw you for a loop when you heard people affectionately referring to each other as “Sweetie.” Like, “Hey sweetie”. Translation: “Hey excrement”. Or if someone was a “Sweetie-pie”, that would be something you’d be more likely to step in than hug. And what about poor Freddy? Don’t get me started. Don’t even get me started.

  2. One day I told my kids about some family who called flatulence “fluffing.” I thought this was a hilarious name for it and I thought my kids would see how absurd it was and be thankful we simply call it “passing gas.” Well, that’ll teach me! My boys are 5, 7, and 8 and think it’s a hoot to talk about “fluffing.” Now, people will think I actually wanted them to use that term!

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