The Trouble with Beards: 3

WalterThe following is an interview with fellow Beardy, Walter Howard.

After having just filled our bellies with food from Zesto’s Grill (your typical Italian/Greek/American restaurant), Walter opened up and shared his heart regarding the highs and the lows of having a beard.

Me: Walter, you and I have known each other for how long now?

Walter: About two years.

Me: I don’t think that’s right, but for the sake of the interview we’re going to press forward.  You are sporting a pretty nice beard, is this something you do every year?

Walter: I usually try it for a little bit — usually about once or twice a year.

Me: Why do you give up?

Walter: (While gently petting a horse)  I usually can’t persevere through the itchy phase.

Me: When did you first realize you could actually grow a beard?

Walter: I think when I was seven.

Me: Seven?  That is pretty early.

Walter: (Approving nod)

Me: Now I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I think that you are a Connector.  By Connector I mean that you can grow a beard all the way down to your chest.  Is that true?

Walter: (Puts saddle on horse)  Unfortunately yes, yes it is.

Me: How do you know where to top shaving?

Walter: (Climbs onto horse and settles into the saddle)  I think it comes down to personal choice.  I mean, everybody decides how far they want the beard to go down.  It’s really about accenting the chin.  You want to draw the chin into it.  When I say, “That’s enough chin”, then usually I shave from there down.

Me: What do you find most troubling about having a beard?

Walter: It’s not as easy as I thought it would be.  I am pretty symmetrical — pretty detailed , so just keeping all those guys under control probably.

Me: So the fact that your beard is not symmetrical, that’s the most troubling part?

Walter: (Visibly irritated)  When it’s not, I mean, the effort of keeping it symmetrical — yes.

Me: Thank you for your time.

Walter: You’re welcome, thank you (Rides into sunset).

For the full interview, click below for your listening pleasure.

Beard Trouble



Filed under The Trouble with Beards

10 responses to “The Trouble with Beards: 3

  1. Marie from Germany

    ooh very cool, too.

    and i do know the problem with symmetrie – not on my own experience – but i always have to judge my boyfriends beard cutting symmetrie. because if he does not feel enough symmetrie he won’t dare leaving the house….. big issue!

  2. Kevin

    I am sure he is thankful to have you check his symmetry. Maybe he should show his appreciation and buy you a beard trimmer.

    • Marie from Germany

      it is funny that you mention buying a trimmer for ME – because that is what he has actually been talking about.
      but not for his hair – a trimmer for MY nose hair …. weird idea!!

  3. is it just me, or does walter look like he has an incredible ponytail in that picture?

    he looks like the real life version of the comic book store guy on the simpsons.

    • Kevin

      Funny Stantonious… Leanne said the same thing. I must clarify then that Walter is in fact wearing a hooded sweatshirt. It is not the sweetest pony tail this side of the Mississip.

  4. hayne

    One of the more impressive features of Walter’s face-rug is his ability to connect his stache to his under-girth.

    As a proud beardy for 2 two years… this is a feature many beardies cannot achieve. Before anatomically developing my own “stache-stalks” I had to achieve the look through sneaky means.

    Thank you for these posts Kevin. The fire service robbed me of my beard. I haven’t been the same since.

  5. Walter

    Man, I miss that horse.

  6. Pingback: » Blog Archive » Things to look at…

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