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Donatos Pizza

Should I be concerned?  Should I be worried?  My all-time favourite pizza is Donatos, and I am beginning to wonder if they have altered their delicious ingredients.   If they have changed their recipe, it does not agree with my system.  Every single time I alone eat an entire large pizza (original crust, green olives and pepperoni), here is what happens:

  • Usually an hour after eating, I develop an unquenchable thirst and find myself drinking gallons of water
  • I develop a bloated feeling that can be painful
  • I feel nauseous
  • I feel as though my blood has changed into some sort of salty solution
  • I am pretty sure I sweat pepperoni juice
  • I find it hard to sleep, usually waking up in the middle of the night feeling as if my heart is trying to pass a grapefruit through my pulmonary artery
  • I experience a temporary loss of appetite

If you have insights regarding the apparent new recipe for Donatos pizza or if you have any thoughts about a medical condition I may have, please do not hesitate to let me know.

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A Very Special Easter

This photo is from the hilarious blog Awkward Family Photos.  If you do not frequent that site, you should.  It is hilarious and you always find a bit of yourself or a bit of a family memory while visiting.

Please read the caption below the photo.

Kristie

Due to budget constraints, the Easter Egg hunt has been cancelled.

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Demanding a Response

After the countless e-mails and the new subscriptions to my blog, I think that one man captured what America was thinking regarding my last entry.  This question came from a close friend of mine, Tyler Stanton.
Tyler writes:  “What’s reason number 10?”
Well Tyler, if I list it here, it is only because I am so serious about it and your penetrating question demands a response.

10.  I will have a big family.
Example
My own.  I currently have 6 children.  5 would not have been enough, and 7, well, just would have been silly.  And as you know, I do not, under any circumstances…play around.  To make that point even more — the years where Lacey and I were not fertile enough?  We adopted.

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10 Reasons That Prove I Do Not Play Around

If there is one thing that people know, the same people who occupy space around me, it is that I do not, under any circumstances…play around.  The following 10 reasons speak for themselves.

1.  If you decide to play a sweet, delicate little prank on me, count on getting a searing hot level 10 payback.*
Example
Riley, my oldest daughter who at the time was a young lass of 9-ish, thought it would be funny to put a nasty-horrific-terrorpoo-inducing doll wearing a mullet wig and reading a book that was upside down on my toilet.  The goal was that I would find it after I came in late from work one night.  I silently made my way into the bathroom so not to awaken anyone.  After I whizzed my pants and Near-Swearfest 2003 officially ended, I decided to drop a level 10 on her unconscious little dome.  I went to my sleeping daughter’s room where I snatched her up from a sound sleep.  I ripped the bedsheet off with her inside, threw her over my shoulder Santa style, and then made my way into the bathroom where I placed her into the bath tub.  Then I went out into the cold night and flung that nasty doll back to hedes from whence it came.

(Just so you know, I considered writing 2-9.  In the end I determined that I would have been playing around.  And as you now know, I do not, under any circumstances…play around.)

*  Please do not attempt to test reason number one.

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I’m Back

I made it back.
September is gone and I hardly have a recollection, yet my life has forever been changed.
Check out my awesome shirt and my ratty Israel beard.
You will be hearing about some things and stuff and such very soon.
Thank you for any thoughts you had concerning my trip overseas and if you actually offered any prayers for me or my family during my absence.

CobraMe

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I’m Leaving on a Jetplane (a.k.a. Taking 2 Weeks-ish Off)

In just a few hours, I will be on a flight bound for Israel.  I will be landing in Tel Aviv where for the next 15 days I will be hiking over 100 miles through various locations.  I get to tour the country with a good friend of mine, Stuart Fuller (he is the pastor of Radius), as we follow our guide, Ray Vander Laan.

For Stuart and I, this trip is a big deal.  You might better understand it this way — imagine Stuart and I were aspiring ping pong players and we got a call from Hao Wang to hang out for 2 weeks.  If you can wrap your mind around that, you’ll get the idea.

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Life and Death

I was browsing the toy aisle recently and I paused for a moment to check out the massive selection of Hot Wheels.  I like to buy one for my son every now and again so I wanted to find the coolest car.  Behind me were all of the toy guns where a very young boy was firing away with a blaze orange pistol.
The mom yanked the plastic piece from his tiny grip and said, (while glancing at me to make a connection)  “I ain’t gonna git you no gun!  Not ’til you know all about life an’ death (grinning at me)!  Then you can go kill a dove, a deer or whatever you want (still trying to connect)!  When we was young’ns, we didn’t git no gun ’til we was 8!”

…because at 8, you know all about life and death.

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