The moon is full as the Wolfman enters Mug & Brush Barber Shop on Main Street.
Barber: (Smiles) Hey! Have a seat. It’ll be just a minute (continues sweeping floor). Wolfman: (Picks up Outdoor Life as he sits) Thanks. I’m kind’ve in a hurry though, but I’m glad you are open so late. Barber: How about this weather we’re having lately. Cold, huh? Wolfman: (Looks up from magazine) Yeah. But I think it’s warming up. Barber: I hope so. Wolfman: (Lets out a concerned sigh) Me too. Barber: Do any hunting lately? Wolfman: Sort of. Barber: Get anything? Wolfman: Yeah — I think I’m might be getting too old for it though, you know what I mean? Barber: (Half laughs) I hear ya. Well, you ready? Wolfman: (Grunts and exhales as he stands) Ready as I’ll ever be. Barber: Same way? Wolfman: (Sitting in barber chair) Yup.
At long last I was able to recline, enjoy a meal and converse with Greg Boone. We shared a few laughs, a few tears and a few delicious steaks. His steak was slightly more bloody than mine, but we put our differences aside and got down to business.
Me: Greg, I’ve known you for many years and you’ve run the gamut of facial hair. I believe when I first encountered you, you were sporting the stache — how long did you rock the stache?
Greg: I don’t know if I had just the stache when you met me… (trails off down memory lane)
Me: You just had the stache in ’97.
Greg: I had the stache for…(consults wife) I think I had it from the time I was at least a sophomore in college. From the time of say — 21 until now at 43, I have had at least a moustache on my face. I’ve only been clean shaven once.
Me: And that was probably startling to all of your friends?
Greg: It was very startling. My children ran — they didn’t recognize me. Leanne would not have sexual relations with me at all until it grew back.
(a non-bearded listener gasps)
Me: (also startled) Wow…
(Greg’s wife, Leanne, delivers a flying Superman punch to Greg’s throat)
Me: You have run the gamut in facial hair. You had the stache, you normally rock the goatee, but currently Greg — you are doing the full beard. What is the community response?
Greg: So far it has been pretty good. Once you’ve had the goatee, it’s not that dramatically different. It does kind of change the jawline a little bit. And of course I am growing the hair out at the same time. It is sort of a mountain man thing happening.
Me: You are more burly than I have ever seen you.
Greg: I’m very burly.
Me: Now that you’ve had your beard for however long you’ve had it, what have you found to be troubling?
Greg: It’s probably the trimming. Mine grows pretty far up (pointing to bottom of his eyelid). It grows way up over the cheek bone.
Me: You always keep yours short — pretty close to your face. I can’t do that because as you can see I kind’ve look like I have the mange (I point to my tattered little beard), but you can fill yours out and that is exciting for me for you.
Greg: You’re welcome.
For the full interview, click below for your listening pleasure.
The following is an interview with fellow Beardy, Walter Howard.
After having just filled our bellies with food from Zesto’s Grill (your typical Italian/Greek/American restaurant), Walter opened up and shared his heart regarding the highs and the lows of having a beard.
Me: Walter, you and I have known each other for how long now?
Walter: About two years.
Me: I don’t think that’s right, but for the sake of the interview we’re going to press forward. You are sporting a pretty nice beard, is this something you do every year?
Walter: I usually try it for a little bit — usually about once or twice a year.
Me: Why do you give up?
Walter: (While gently petting a horse) I usually can’t persevere through the itchy phase.
Me: When did you first realize you could actually grow a beard?
Walter: I think when I was seven.
Me: Seven? That is pretty early.
Walter: (Approving nod)
Me: Now I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I think that you are a Connector. By Connector I mean that you can grow a beard all the way down to your chest. Is that true?
Walter: (Puts saddle on horse) Unfortunately yes, yes it is.
Me: How do you know where to top shaving?
Walter: (Climbs onto horse and settles into the saddle) I think it comes down to personal choice. I mean, everybody decides how far they want the beard to go down. It’s really about accenting the chin. You want to draw the chin into it. When I say, “That’s enough chin”, then usually I shave from there down.
Me: What do you find most troubling about having a beard?
Walter: It’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I am pretty symmetrical — pretty detailed , so just keeping all those guys under control probably.
Me: So the fact that your beard is not symmetrical, that’s the most troubling part?
Walter: (Visibly irritated) When it’s not, I mean, the effort of keeping it symmetrical — yes.
Me: Thank you for your time.
Walter: You’re welcome, thank you (Rides into sunset).
For the full interview, click below for your listening pleasure.
Some of you may remember my encounter with Sally Beauty Supply. As it turns out, that encounter has turned into something larger than I could have expected. They gave me a complimentary Sally Beauty membership and they have also asked me to be a product tester for their line of men’s hair care products. I agreed and they followed through by sending me a box full of goods – almost $50 worth of their stuff. In the coming weeks you may see how those items were field tested in the Keigley house. I might even use it on Berg’s man hair.
I purchased a new electric trimmer set made by Conair. I needed to upgrade especially since I find myself giving lots of haircuts to our male summer staff at Look Up Lodge Christian Camp. The new trimmer set is cordless which is a plus now that I am a sort of country barber — traveling to the residences of those in serious need of hair trimming.
I opened the care and use manual and made an interesting discovery. Please see the provided illustration.
Conair has settled it. These are the only acceptable forms of facial hair. If you don’t see your facial hair style, you will no longer be recognized as having a beard/mustache. Please make the appropriate changes.
And apparently their model committed a federal crime or was a member of the Village People.
One of the best things in the world: as a boy, to find a hair under your arm One of the worst things in the world: as a man, to find a hair on your back Even worse: as anyone, to find a hair in your salad at a restaurant
The other day I went to Sally Beauty Supply. This is the store where budding cosmetologists shop and swap stories. It is also where I have to go every once and again to acquire supplies for the Keigley Barber Shop. That’s right, I cut hair. Though I do cut hair, I am not keen on going to Sally Beauty Supply. When I do go, I feel like a poser, I feel inadequate and sometimes I feel like a girl.
I entered the store looking for certain kind of tool — thinning shears. I had cut Bergen’s hair earlier that day and I’d thought that those scissors would prove useful on his little mug. I looked around and an overdone woman (makeup-wise) looked up at me and asked if she could be of service. I told her that she could be of service and I explained my mission. She then directed me to the specialty scissors. As I made my way to those tools, I looked around the store — flat-irons, blow dryers, hair extension supplies and the like abounded. She pointed out three different products of varying prices. I grabbed the mid-priced pair.
I then made my way to the counter and she asked me a question.
“Do you have a Sally Beauty Card?”
I laughed uproariously. How could I have a Sally Beauty Card? I mean, Sally is a store for girls and their hairdressers. Sally is a place that I would never go let alone require some sort of frequent shopper card.
My fit of hilarity was cut short as the overdone woman slowly raised her eyes and looked at me — almost pitifully. It was then that I realized these things:
1. Sally Beauty was where she worked and where she gave me great service
2. Judging by her overdone look, she made use of Sally’s products
3. I was standing in the store purchasing goods, so who the heck am I?
I gave her my money and walked out with my head hanging low. I thought of how much of a chump I was, and also…how great this story will be for my blog.