Remember when people wanted to buy stamps of murdered presidents? No? Me either. That is why I am pleased to show you another gem I found in the barn whilst contracting the Brown Lung (a respiratory disease caused by breathing old barn dust and paper fragments from the 1950’s and 1960’s). Again, I will let the ad speak for itself.
As a dear friend and I cleaned out an old barn at my house, we made many discoveries. We found a crocodile skin (neck to tail — someone took the head), old records, vintage copies of Outdoor Life (and many other titles), and for whatever reason, thousands of sea shells. Apparently, the previous occupants of my home stored their treasures in that barn and then forgot to take them when they moved.
As we were going through the boxes and the mounds of rodent feces, one magazine caught my eye (my eye that was caked with dust and was burning). I began to peruse the 1960’s magazine called Pageant. The pages fell open to an ad that most definitely would not appear in any publication today. I will let the ad speak for itself.
Know the Eleventy Million Dollar Blog haz in uhmazing noo feeture. Itz veery own emale a dress. Know u kin sind fotos ore othur malicious emale wurms rite to me!
firstname.lastname@example.org (yule haf to copy it)
Maik a note of this in yore palm pielits tooday.
Are you vertically challenged? Are you a guy and only 4’7″? Do you feel like you are missing out on what the 5’5″ guys talk about in the locker room? If so, there is a system that will forever change your perspective. It’s called Riceheight*. With Riceheight, you can start walking tall and everyone is going to take notice.
With our patented system, all you have to do is lie down on a flat surface, enlist a volunteer to take grains of rice and make a line of them that extends from the top of your head, traces your body, to the bottom of your feet. Make sure that they just do it on one side. If your left side is taller than your right, by all means — go left. Now for the fun. Make sure that your friend counts all the grains and then ask them the how tall you are. The result? You are however many grains of rice tall! Look at this example…
Associate: You Bill, you sure are walking different today, what’s up? Did you have surgery?
Bill: No, I am just taller today.
Associate: Really? You look the same to me…
Bill: No, I am taller, trust me.
Associate: Well, how tall are you then?
Associate: What does that mean?
Bill: Look over there — is that Magic Johnson?
Associate: [Turns head] Where!?
Bill: [runs away taller]
Wanna be 1,000 of something — or more? With Riceheight, things are gonna start changing for you. Try it today!
*Riceheight is not scientifically proven to increase your height and may cause drowsiness, fatigue, bad breath and an overall general feeling of malaise.
If you are a promising young dad, are you tired of being yanked out of a deep sleep because your son has knee-bombed your John Thomas? Have you ever been reclining peacefully in a resting apparatus and your son drops from the rafters like a knee-wielding banshee? Are you technically a man? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, chances are fantastic that you would reap many benefits from the DUP. DUP is the most trusted name in the realm of protective inner-type clothing. DUP has been providing surprise protection for busy dads for the last 5 years, give or take. How long are you going to let it go on before you flip?
“I can barely catch my breath to offer a comment. I am going to buy DUP right away!”
Derrick Manspile, almost DUP user for unknown number of years
“Since having my son Bergen, I may not have to have preventative surgery for producing more children like him. Though his methods are painful, violent and sure, I would rather consider seeing a specialist. Until that time, DUP is for me Thanks DUP!”
Kevin Keigley, promising young dad